The First Letter of Paul to the Church in Suburbia

1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, not by social media polling or popular vote, to the modern saints dwelling in the land of excess and espresso. Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

2 First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you. Truly, your hospitality is unmatched, I have never seen so much charcuterie in one gathering of believers.

3 I praise your consistency in attending church… digitally… from your couch… with pancakes. Though I must confess, I did not know a pajama set could be considered spiritual armor.

4 But brothers and sisters, I write not only to commend but to correct. For you have built sanctuaries of stone, but neglected the temple of the Spirit.

5 You have strong opinions, but weak disciplines. You have “quiet times,” yet your minds remain loud with distraction.
You post verses, but live values shaped more by algorithms than apostles.

6 Many of you have substituted Christian aesthetics for Christ Himself.
Your homes are filled with signs that say “Faith, Family, Football,” and while I do not judge the Sabbath observance of sports, I ask: does the Lamb of God truly reign on the throne of your hearts, or just above your fireplace mantel?

7 You wear crosses around your necks but struggle to carry your own.
You say “God is good” when the mortgage is approved, but question His character when the Wi-Fi slows down.

8 You have confused the abundance of things for the abundance of life.
You upgrade your phones more than your prayer life, and your attention span is shorter than Zacchaeus.

9 Do not misunderstand me, I do not condemn comfort, but I do question your addiction to it. For how will you run the race set before you when you refuse to walk anywhere that doesn’t have air conditioning?

10 You give to missions, but rarely engage in your own neighborhoods.
You call yourselves “blessed,” but your neighbors call you unapproachable.

11 Your theology is impressive. You can split hairs over Calvin and Arminius, but cannot seem to reconcile with your brother who voted differently than you.

12 I hear of churches divided, not over heresy, but over the volume of the worship team and the placement of the coffee station. Is Christ divided?

13 Some among you are obsessed with influence, as if the goal of the gospel is to “build your platform.” Beloved, you cannot carry your cross and your brand at the same time.

14 Do not trade the narrow road for the algorithm. One leads to eternal life, the other to 10,000 likes and a soul you can’t find.

15 You long for revival, yet despise repentance. You want His power, but not His pruning. You want to be used by God, but only if it fits within your color-coded planner.

16 I urge you, therefore, in view of God’s mercy, to log off. To turn down the noise. To remember what it is to be still and know.

17 Let your homes be altars, not just Airbnbs with Bibles on the shelf. Let your children see you seeking the Kingdom, not just scrolling on the couch.

18 And as for your leaders, honor them. Not with hashtags or clapping emojis, but with prayers and partnership. Too many shepherds are burning out while you rate their sermons like Uber drivers.

19 My dear Suburbian saints, remember who you are. You are not primarily consumers. You are not a demographic. You are the called-out ones, the ekklesia. The city on a hill, even if your HOA says you can’t hang anything in the window.

20 Therefore, walk as citizens of a better kingdom. Do not conform to this world’s patterns, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.

21 May your homes be houses of prayer, not just productivity. May your churches be hospitals for the hurting, not hotels for the comfortable.

22 I plan to send a second letter soon, assuming I’m not canceled first.

23 Greet one another with authenticity. Resist the urge to Photoshop your lives. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your real, messy, trying-their-best hearts.

24 Until I write again, walk in love, anchored in truth, and caffeinated in moderation.

Paul, servant of Christ, unsubscribed from your email list (but still praying for you).